Phoebe,
Have you ever thought about writing songs? I am not sure why, but, your poem reads like a song–to me, at least.
-Mr. M
Phoebe B.
ok….so this creepy poem is from an old mans point of view:
Ah, the old days beating on your pearl drumsets
Strumming on the seemingly priceless Les Pauls
The air smelling humid, like sweaty teenage boys
And your life simply enjoyable at its highest point
5,000 hits on youtube, or myspace, it doesn’t really matter
You got everythin’ you want, your life is a breeze
Wearing baggy pants down to your knees, and tight muscle shirts
The girls all hover around you bunch of wild jerks
Why are you so popular, the band, the clothes?
No one really ever knows, because with you, it doesn’t show
If only you could look into the future to see what things are like
The times are rough, but still we manage
Unlike you forgotten, lonely bands, blown away like a putrid, decaying bandage
(i know, sorry, but i just love the rotten visuals) lol
(just kidding)
-Phoebe
___________________________________________________________________________
All right here is my poem…
(it still needs some revising, some of it is “iffy”)
Sleep well, for dangers sure to lurk
A smile, suspicious, and I sign it with a smirk
My method is simple, and greatly executed
Eccentric thoughts combined with dread
You’re just like everyone else, seemingly all-knowing
A power unheard of, plainly loud, showing
Precisely a wisher of some superstition
An inhumane, super aggressive conviction
I blur by with much impassable addiction
Though the eyes of the soul, an invalid prediction
There it is… I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense. like i said, it still needs a little work!
~ Tell me what you think -Phoebe
All written work Copyright © 2008 Phoebe B.
Responses - Create a free edublog to get your own comment avatar (and more!)
By: mrmadden on 7 November 2008
at 11:23 am
Mr. M,
thanks for the response! My mom always told me i should be a songwriter (i guess its in my blood…)
(just kidding) Thank you so much for fixing my “so called” dilema with the having my own page thingy!!!! i just got done writing another poem (or song, or what ever you want to call it)
~phoebe
at 10:33 pm
I think that it is really good. I likr the fact that it rhymes (i have yet to learn how to do that and have it make sense). Kepping writing more stuff like that.
Tess
at 3:58 pm
